(no subject)

Jul. 8th, 2025 06:01 am
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Good Job,

I work as a speech therapist. At a family gathering, I noticed my cousin’s near 4-year-old could only say a few words and beg and point for items they wanted. They could only say “juice” or “Pad” and would cry if any other relative tried to engage them in conversation. I asked my aunt if this was normal behavior for the child, and she said yes but that she wasn’t concerned. At nearly 4, a child should be using full sentences of at least three or more words. It is a missed milestone and early intervention is key.

I checked the local school district, and they offer free screenings and testing that my cousin’s child would qualify for. I went to my aunt and suggested that, in my professional opinion, her grandchild might benefit from speech therapy or at least testing to make sure it wasn’t some other underlying problem. It was completely free and I sent her the info. I didn’t go directly to my cousin because I know some parents can be thin-skinned and defensive when it comes to advice from licensed professionals. I had parents rage at teachers for suggesting their kids need glasses because they can’t see the board.

Well, for my troubles, my cousin sent me an awful and barely coherent text telling me I was a busybody; because I don’t have kids, my opinion is worthless; and she is a mother, so she knows all, and especially what is best for her child, who is perfect. I left it alone after that. The problem is that two years later, the child started kindergarten and was diagnosed with a severe speech impediment, and the rationed therapy the school gives hasn’t really helped. My cousin had to enroll her child with a private therapist that her insurance doesn’t cover and it is pretty pricey. I know all this through the grapevine.

Then, at a family event, my aunt and cousin went off on my poor mother about how awful and selfish I am for not volunteering and helping in their hour of need. I never told anyone about the text since I didn’t want drama, but I kept it. Frankly, I am furious. I tried to help, and I thought I was respectful enough by just going to my aunt with the free resources that were available to my cousin. I didn’t press, preach, or accuse. But now, at this late date, they think publicly blaming me and dragging my poor mother into it will work? I am ready to go to war and I have the receipts, should I?

—Not Holding My Tongue


Read more... )
fox: my left eye.  "ceci n'est pas une fox." (Default)
[personal profile] fox posting in [community profile] agonyaunt

Dear Eric: I am very much enjoying the second time around following a long and less than joyful first marriage. My problem is plans for burial.

All of our children are terribly against our marriage even though both of our spouses were deceased at the time we met. Our children have virtually no relationship with us now and if there is any contact it is ugly.

I have a cemetery plot out of state with my deceased wife. My wife has a local plot with her deceased husband. I would like to get a new plot for the two of us but expect that any such request would receive pushback and be ignored.

My wife’s mother is buried with her second husband using her last name at the time of her death and her father is buried with a subsequent wife so there is precedent for what I want but I know her daughter would require that her mother be buried next to her father.

How do I get what I want?

I have not discussed any of this with my wife. If I did and she brought it up with her daughter the reaction would be for the daughter to express her displeasure by keeping the grandchildren from my wife. She has done that for less. If I am to get a plot, I should do that sooner rather than later as they are in short supply.

While living I would feel great joy if I could know that I could count on being buried beside my wife for all of eternity. Am I being silly to not just take the easy route?

— Burial Conflict

Plans: You have every right to make a burial plan that suits your life and your love. And — this might be controversial — you don’t have to tell your kids. If you have virtually no relationship as it is, you certainly don’t need to bend to their wishes. It seems there’s no pleasing them, anyway.

In general, it’s better to communicate about final wishes and plans for one’s end-of-life in advance. This helps intentions to be understood and gets questions answered while you’re still around to answer them. But the conflict that’s roiling your family complicates things.

Without knowing more about the circumstances of your marriage, I can’t say your kids are completely wrong, but the punishment you mentioned is more than concerning.

Perhaps they’re struggling with acceptance because of unprocessed grief, perhaps there’s something else going on that I’m not privy, too. Either way, the stated conditions dictate that the burial conversation should happen only between you and your wife right now. Once you’re both on the same page, you’ll know what the next step is. That might mean purchasing a joint plot that makes you happy and appointing someone other than one of your kids as executor. (That last part is probably wise regardless.)

There would still be a lot of complications, of course. Namely, one of you will predecease the other and at that point, presumably, the kids would find out the plan. So, while you are working on doing what brings you joy, I’d also encourage you to get down to the root of what’s going on with your kids.

musesfool: Sam Wilson & Bucky Barnes (i'm your goddamn partner)
[personal profile] musesfool
I know I had some stuff I wanted to post about but now I can't remember what it was. Oh well.

I finally watched Captain America: Brave New World and it was fine. spoilers )

*

RIP Julian McMahon and Mark Snow.

*
cimorene: Blue text reading "This Old House" over a photo of a small yellow house (knypplinge)
[personal profile] cimorene
It's taken five years to caulk the seam between the two pieces of butcher block on our counter, so I had to dig a bunch of breadcrumbs out of it first with a fruit knife (it's right in front of the toaster). We also re-caulked the seam between the butcher block and the stainless part of the counter by the sink. (The sink is only a few cm from the edge of it, which is very bad design, and the edge of the butcher block there has inevitably suffered and swollen, as the caulk was never going to be adequate; there was no easy way to get the whole counter in stainless, but we should have figured it out anyway. Or alternately, just called up the companies that make tiles and fireplaces out of Finnish soapstone until we found one that would sell us a counter, even though none of them make counters.)

We also oiled the hinge of the bathroom door - the one modern, new door in the house - which has been squeaking for years (unlike all the other doors, which are from 1950 and work flawlessly). And then we glued the aluminum threshold down over the tile floor at that door - it was already loose when the contractors left because the initial adhesive they had used wasn't in contact with the front face of the cement under the tiles, because the tile sticks out a few mm proud of the subfloor. I scraped a layer of gummy glue off the back of the threshold (glue which had never stuck to the tile and instead became impregnated with dust and dirt), then applied some construction adhesive. It's extremely stinky upstairs now as it dries, even with the windows open.

But anyway, all that didn't even take all day. We've done a bunch of laundry and sat on the sofa cuddling cats in between. Can't believe it took us five years.

(no subject)

Jul. 4th, 2025 06:24 am
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Pay Dirt,

I grew up in poverty, where we were always on the edge of eviction. If it wasn’t for school, my siblings and I wouldn’t have eaten. It left a large mark on me. I am much more financially conservative than my husband. I have also been the main breadwinner since we married. We need a cushion before even thinking about kids, it’s really important to me. But my in-laws don’t care!

My sisters-in-law grew up in luxury, graduated with degrees they never used, and married rich. Ever since we got married, they constantly try to pressure us to have kids. When I’ve said we want to be more financially stable, they blow me off and say that “families do it all the time” and that “God will provide.” I have told my mother-in-law and husband how condescending this nonsense is to me. They both said that everyone just wants the “best” for us.

Recently, my sister-in-law started in on me again with her breeding propaganda: How I wasn’t getting any younger (I turned 33 this year); That there “never a perfect time to have a baby;” and how “Divine Providence provides for everyone.” Well I finally lost my temper. I asked her where was God the times I went hungry to give food to my younger siblings? Or how is he providing for starving kids in war zones? She started to cry, so now I am the villain. My in-laws told my husband I need therapy. My reply is that maybe my actual life experience and personhood is worth a drop of empathy, and they should stop treating me like I was a sow at market. How can I get them to realize that not everyone is rich like they are and that some of us do need to save and plan for kids?

—Not Breeding Anytime Soon


Read more... )

and this guy right here

Jul. 3rd, 2025 08:16 pm
musesfool: bodhi rook (honor the heart of faith)
[personal profile] musesfool
The Old Guard 2 aka 2 Old 2 Guard dropped yesterday. I enjoyed it for the most part. spoilers )

*

(no subject)

Jul. 2nd, 2025 11:38 pm
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Care and Feeding,

Our house sits on a heavily wooded hill, and there isn’t much in terms of street lights—and no sidewalks. Though there are only a few houses on our bend of the road, we get people speeding through. We have new neighbors. The mother’s behavior is going to end in tragedy.

The neighbors have several very small children. The mom, for some unholy reason, thinks nothing of letting them bike in the street. She lets her babies ride around well ahead of her as she strolls leisurely several yards behind. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself.

My husband has already had a close call with one of the kids. He was backing out and the toddler zoomed right behind the bumper. Luckily, my husband was paying attention and was fast to put his foot on the brake. Even going as slow as he was, just a few miles per hour, it would have been a tragedy if he hadn’t been alert.

The mother’s reaction was to lay into my husband for not being careful enough! The kicker is that she said her kids have a right to play in the street. (There is a park five blocks away, but that is too far for her to go, apparently.) My husband said it was a bad conversation.

What do we do here? It would haunt me if one of these kids got hit because their mother was too lazy to care.

—Blind Corner


Read more... )

ZhuBai picspam (sort of)

Jul. 2nd, 2025 02:35 pm
sakana17: zhu yilong and bai yu on the set of guardian (zhubai-yohe-bts)
[personal profile] sakana17
I'd mentioned to [personal profile] mumblemumble making desktop wallpaper calendars from Zhu Yilong & Bai Yu photos, and to commemorate my 6th Guardianniversary here's a little picspam of what they have looked like.

Years 2020-2025 )

The Obsidian Tower by Melissa Caruso

Jul. 2nd, 2025 02:09 pm
lightreads: a partial image of a etymology tree for the Indo-European word 'leuk done in white neon on black'; in the lower left is (Default)
[personal profile] lightreads
The Obsidian Tower

3/5. Fantasy about the woman who is the one with apparently necromantic magic in a family of vivomancers, and what happens when the door her family has guarded for thousands of years (they have a stupid rhyme about it and everything) is opened.

I picked this up because I liked her more recent release. This has many of the same good elements: bisexual heroine, complex webs of relationships, actual politics, and interest in friendship and teamwork. But I did not like this one nearly so much. I am generally in a bad mood right now, so take this as you will, but the protag’s repeated emotional victimization by two-thirds of the people in the book (including herself), and how she takes on guilt for basically everything, and her self-sacrificing tendencies really irritated me. I imagine the arc of this trilogy will be towards better relationships and some actual self-worth but meh, I’m not along for the ride.

Content notes: Torture.

Hidden Nature by Nora Roberts

Jul. 2nd, 2025 12:51 pm
lightreads: a partial image of a etymology tree for the Indo-European word 'leuk done in white neon on black'; in the lower left is (Default)
[personal profile] lightreads
Hidden Nature

3/5. Her latest romantic suspense standalone about the woman recovering back in her home town after getting shot (she’s natural resources police). She gets interested in a series of disappearances, and also meets the new local contractor.

You know what’s the most starry-eyed fantasy of a Nora Roberts book? It’s not the romance – this one is rather lifeless. It’s not even the ubiquity of honest and dedicated cops (she put a black cop in this one, you guys, if you’re keeping track of Nora Roberts’s flailing and minuscule attempts to grapple with her career of coppaganda).

No, the biggest fantasy is of home renovation that is quick, easy, successful, and beautiful. Mostly done, in this case, by a guy who apparently . . . learned his trade skills in a summer with Habitat for Humanity and that’s it? I have concerns.

Content notes: Violence, murder, usual killer POV grossness.

6 years

Jul. 1st, 2025 09:17 pm
sakana17: shen wei finds zhao yunlan on the street (guardian-shenwei-zhaoyunlan-ep08)
[personal profile] sakana17
My 6th year Guardianniversary was a couple of days ago. ♥ I have a Guardian-adjacent post in mind but it requires some digging through folders and I haven't finished that yet.

Instead, today's post isn't about Guardian... but about a sus AO3 encounter )
musesfool: a loaf of bread (staff of life)
[personal profile] musesfool
Last night I watched a cute movie on Netflix called Nonnas about that restaurant on Staten Island that hires grandmas as chefs. Lorraine Bracco, Brenda Vaccaro, Talia Shire, and Susan Sarandon play the nonnas, and Vince Vaughn plays the guy opening the restaurant. It's kind of a nice mellow detox from The Bear in terms of a bunch of Italian-Americans yelling at each other in a restaurant kitchen. *g* Plus a really horrifying rendition of capuzelle, which is a roasted (or baked?) sheep's head, which is one of those dishes I try to forget knowing about. Anyway, the restaurant still exists, and now it has grandmas from all different backgrounds who cook there (a review of the real restaurant).

Today was my Monday, and tomorrow is my Friday at work. I could get used to a 2 day work week!

*
minoanmiss: Nubian girl with dubious facial expression (dubious Nubian girl)
[personal profile] minoanmiss posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
[Be warned, the the main discussion of the post is s about #3, a letter about a coworker with gastric issues. At least people are being pretty good about labeling their responses. Beyond the ... details... it is fast descending into a fight between proponents and opponents of ableism. Thhs is letter #1] about the ethics of refusing service.Read more... )

the extroverts were right

Jul. 1st, 2025 12:40 pm
cimorene: Cartoon of 80s She-Ra on her winged unicorn flying against cloudy blue sky (where are we going?)
[personal profile] cimorene
I was making smalltalk with the bus driver along with the other guy at the bus stop and he asked if I was a student, lol. (Wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses took twenty years off I guess.) I said, No, but I'm going to driving school!

And he said close enough and gave me the student ticket rate.

waiting for the moment to turn

Jun. 30th, 2025 06:24 pm
musesfool: ROBIN (never enough robin)
[personal profile] musesfool
Recs update ahoy:

[personal profile] unfitforsociety has been updated for June 2025 with 15 recs in 3 fandoms:

13 Batfamily
2 Percy Jackson crossovers



I'm not sure why I went looking for PJO crossovers but I'm kind of glad I did?

Anyway, I took today and Thursday off and I'm looking forward to this 2 day work week. *g*

Rebuilding journal search again

Jun. 30th, 2025 03:18 pm
alierak: (Default)
[personal profile] alierak posting in [site community profile] dw_maintenance
We're having to rebuild the search server again (previously, previously). It will take a few days to reindex all the content.

Meanwhile search services should be running, but probably returning no results or incomplete results for most queries.

Profile

alias: (Default)
Shay

June 2020

S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
141516 17181920
21222324252627
282930    

Links

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 14th, 2025 08:13 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios