cimorene: closeup of Jeremy Brett as Holmes raising his eyebrows from behind a cup of steaming tea (eyebrows)
Cimorene ([personal profile] cimorene) wrote2025-08-16 07:16 pm
Entry tags:

Live Wife Reaction: GUUURRRLLL!!!!!

On Thursday I went to Turku to take the driving theory test at the Ajovarma office. I passed! However:

I had paid in advance and scheduled this test several weeks ago. I made the reservation at home, from the computer, and immediately saved the date with a bunch of reminders in my calendar.

But when I got to the test site they didn't call my name at the appointed time. One of the desk workers asked me if I had an appointment and when she scanned my non-driver's ID card, she said, "Oh, you don't have an appointment today, but you had one yesterday!"

I had somehow managed to put the appointment in my calendar wrong, even though I thought I checked it so carefully! (I stopped myself from saying "I have ADHD!" with very great difficulty.)

She was very nice and helpful, though. She said she would reschedule my appointment and the payment would still be good; she found an opening that same day three hours later, and then when I said I could wait, she said actually the testing room wasn't full and she could let me take the test right away. So she did.

I have a total of (I think) 5 hours of driving lessons left, the first of which is in two weeks, when my instructor is back from his vacation. In the meantime, it's the second half of Wax's annual vacation starting today, and we will hopefully be trying chicken florentine for the first time this week.
conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2025-08-14 11:03 pm
conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2025-08-14 08:38 pm

(no subject)

Dear Care and Feeding,

I’ve got a 14-year-old son and 9-year-old twin daughters. My son lives primarily with his mom, but has always spent plenty of time at my place, and the kids are all quite close. But there is a real problem with how he treats one of his sisters. The two of them share many traits and are quite similar in disposition, and when things are good, they have a very sweet relationship. They’ll go on walks together and chat and laugh the whole time. They also really enjoy play-fighting—e.g., hitting each other with foam swords. But at other times, my son will relentlessly pick at his sister, teasing her for things like not being as good at video games as he is, or questioning her abilities in other ways. It’s unkind, and although she sometimes claps back or does her best to ignore him, more often it sends her into a rage.

I’ve talked to him about it repeatedly (and yelled at him about it), and he has said he has trouble controlling himself. Maybe that sounds like a cop-out, but having observed it so many times, I believe him. It seems like an impulse-control thing, like the comments pop into his head and are out of his mouth before he can stop them. We have a good amount of neurodivergence in our family, and I strongly suspect that, like the sister in question, he’s got ADHD. I’ve wanted to get him assessed, but his mom—with whom I have a good relationship—is resistant, and he hasn’t had any issues in school yet that would offer more reason to push for it. I’ll tell him to knock it off and he’ll be chastened, but then 30 seconds later he’s picking on his sister again. What do you think I should be trying to do here? Yelling obviously isn’t the answer, and I can tell my son is feeling demoralized. I feel like this is about their similar personalities to some extent, because he doesn’t have the same issue with his other sister. But even if that’s the case, I want him to stop cutting his sister down, because she adores him and I’m pretty sure he actually adores her too.

—Bro, Chill


Read more... )
skygiants: a figure in white and a figure in red stand in a courtyard in front of a looming cathedral (cour des miracles)
skygiants ([personal profile] skygiants) wrote2025-08-14 12:42 pm

(no subject)

Last week I was on vacation at Beth's family cottage, which normally would mean that I'd be reading a battered paperback. HOWEVER instead I was racing to finish Secondhand Time: The Last of the Soviets due to the unfortunate fact of it being triply overdue at the library.

A useful and worthwhile book; a compelling and depressing book; not, perhaps, an ideal vacation book, but so it goes. The book is composed of oral histories conducted by Alexievich in the years between 1991 and 2012 with various inhabitants of the Former Soviet Union. Alexievich is particularly interested in suicides, and several of the interviews/chapters circulate around people who knew or were close to people who took their own lives after the fall of communism; several others focus on people who were living in areas of the former Soviet Union where the end of the USSR led immediately to ethnic or nationalistic violence.

Many of the oral histories follow a pattern that goes

a. [recounting of an absolutely horrific personal-infrastructural tragedy or example of human cruelty that happened under Stalin]
b. but at least we had ideals
c. And Now We Have This Fucking Capitalism Instead And It's Not A Good Trade

and many others go

a. under socialism in [location] they said we were all brothers and I believed it
b. and suddenly overnight that changed and I will be forever haunted by the things I've seen since

Alexievich recounts the oral histories more or less as if they're dramatic/poetic monologues -- usually monologues of despair -- removing herself and the circumstances under which they were conducted almost entirely, except for a very occasional and startling interjection to make a point. (One oral history, of the horrific-things-happened-but-we-believed variety, is intermittently interrupted by anekdoty from the interviewee's son; Alexievich comments that no matter what she asked him, he only ever responded with a joke.) Some sections are compendiums of conversation gathered in a location, at a party or in a marketplace, sliding past each other montage-style. As a literary conceit, it's very effective, but I found myself wishing sometimes that it was a little less literary. It's rare that I read a nonfiction book and want the author to be putting more of themself into the narrative, rather than less, but I wanted to know what questions she was asking. That said, for various reasons, I'm considering buying a copy.
minoanmiss: Detail of a Minoan statuette of a worshipping youth (Statuette Youth)
minoanmiss ([personal profile] minoanmiss) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2025-08-14 10:27 am
musesfool: Huntress being awesome (don't think cause i understand i care)
i did it all for the robins ([personal profile] musesfool) wrote2025-08-13 09:22 pm

how that ball rushes up on you

I'm off work tomorrow and Friday - I have my annual eye exam tomorrow (they have sent me about 17 requests to confirm and I have each time but wtf) and I decided to just take Friday off for a long weekend - so I logged off work at 4:30 and ended up taking a long nap. I woke up to an intense thunderstorm with a truly shocking (pun intended) amount of lightning.

My brother had hip replacement surgery this morning and it went well - he is home already!

Baby Miss L loved the books - especially the Pete the Kitty goes to preschool one and I got adorable videos of her "reading" it.

Speaking of books, I did indeed finish the last 3 books of Dungeon Crawler Carl over the weekend and I was incensed that book 7 was not the end - there are supposedly 3 more books coming to wrap things up and ugh, I hate having to wait. This write-up on tumblr (vague spoilers for the whole series, as an enticement to read the books) is a great summary of why you should read it and then come talk to me about it. I am not even a cat person and I love Princess Donut! There is a wide array of female characters! There is a lot of gory violence and an unfortunate amount of fatphobia (i.e., any), but the anti-capitalist rage is real. I just hope Dinniman can stick the landing.

*
cimorene: A woman sitting on a bench reading a book in front of a symmetrical opulent white-and-gold hotel room (studying)
Cimorene ([personal profile] cimorene) wrote2025-08-13 09:53 pm

Driving theory test tomorrow

I've mentioned before that our van is a 1999 Citroën Berlingo. We named him Bernie because he's an old white guy. Bernie was a white van man's van: he belonged to a company for twenty years and sat in their warehouse being taken care of, but mostly not used, so he was in practically mint condition when we bought him in 2019, but he only cost 2000€. Now contemporary Finnish driving education is teaching me about safety features that are common or required in modern-day cars that he doesn't have: traction and skid control, smart cruise control, side door airbags that you can disable in the back, front and rear fog lights, a screen that recommends which gear to use, warning messages when you exceed the detected speed limit.

Obviously a 1999 van doesn't have any of those. But [personal profile] waxjism has also been scaring me for weeks saying he's too old to have anti-lock brakes, but today I finally read the manual and he is not. He has anti-lock brakes! That one was the only one that was seriously upsetting (the car I learned to drive in didn't have any of the others: it was a 1993 Buick Skylark).

I have to get up early to go to Turku to take the driver's license theory test tomorrow, and today I took the practice theory test again as soon as I got back from my last driving simulator lesson, and failed with the worst score I've gotten on the practice tests yet (42/50 "situation" questions). Then I took it again immediately and passed with a perfect score for the first time.

I've taken the practice test 7 times in all, but I've also gone through all the practice question sets, which amounts to 60 tests' worth of situation questions and 40 tests' worth of verbal questions (with repetition!), and I have consequently pretty much been at saturation for a while. I can't predict whether I will miss situation questions when I do a set, but that's not because I haven't learned the material, it's because the questions are not at all like a situation you actually encounter while driving; they're more like a sort of Where's Waldo-esque detailed visual search game plus logic puzzle. About half the time I miss them because of something like not noticing that the car is on a priority road (when the sole clue that it's a priority road is the tiny triangular edge of the sign with 80% of the sign cropped off on the extreme edge of the image blending into the windows of an apartment building in the background) or not noticing that it's on a one-way street (when the sole clue that it's a one-way street is some painting on the road facing the wrong way that you can only see if you look in the left side mirror image but it's very small). So I just have to take methylphenidate and count breaths and try to make sure I take my time. And try not to get distracted.

(After the theory test I still have driving lessons in a real car, and then the driving test.)
cyphomandra: (balcony)
cyphomandra ([personal profile] cyphomandra) wrote2025-08-13 11:32 am

Books read, February

Most of these I’ve reviewed already. Favourites would be two re-reads, Rilla of Ingleside and The Honour of the House.

Ne’er Duke Well, Alexandra Vasti
Biggles and the Rescue Flight, WE Johns
Honour of the House, EM Channon (re-read)
The New Boy, Doreen Tovey (re-read)
Jack of St Virgil’s, Lillian M Pyke (re-read)
From Billabong to London, Mary Grant Bruce
Jim and Wally, Mary Grant Bruce (re-read)
Captain Jim, Mary Grant Bruce
The Cub, Ethel Turner (re-read)
Captain Cub, Ethel Turner
Brigid and the Cub, Ethel Turner
Wanted an English Girl, Dorothea Moore
The Blythes are Quoted, LM Montgomery
Rilla of Ingleside, LM Montgomery (re-read)


Ne’er Duke Well, Alexandra Vasti. A new but rather radical duke turns to a very proper debutante for advice on rehabilitating his reputation; sparks fly, etc etc, but she is also concealing a secret in that she runs a circulating library of erotic literature for women. Thrusts the characters at each other without doing the work of establishing the relationship and everyone seems at least a century too modern.

Biggles and the Rescue Flight, WE Johns. I did not put this with Biggles Flies East because it’s just not very good. Written significantly later, outside pov with a couple of keen schoolboys (who are basically interchangeable cardboard) who pretend to be in the RAF (it helps that they’ve been sneaking out of school every morning at 5am to get flying lessons at the nearby airfield, although it’s never clear how this is paid for) in order to get to France to rescue one of them’s older brother, missing presumed dead. Clunks along predictably.

Honour of the House, EM Channon, (re-read). Pauline tries her best to make an impact as a new girl and member of the least well-regarded house, but has to contend with the Kipples, an astonishingly non-contributory family. Fatima Kibble is a highly unusual character for a girls’ school story (she’s fat and not comic relief for a start, but she’s also smart, talented at poetry, and capable of perspective) and this remains a very satisfying read.

The New Boy, Doreen Tovey (re-read). I really must track down Cats in May one of these days, because I’ve never read it. Sometimes I just want to read about cats.

Jack of St Virgil’s, Lillian M Pyke (re-read). This was published in 1917 and does have some WWI references but they’re pretty slight and I didn’t include it in the talk. It has a rather ridiculous bit with a school boat race that apparently old boys all round the world, even at the Front, are totally invested in, otherwise pretty obvious.

From Billabong to London, Mary Grant Bruce
Jim and Wally, Mary Grant Bruce (re-read)
Captain Jim, Mary Grant Bruce

The Cub, Ethel Turner (re-read)
Captain Cub, Ethel Turner
Brigid and the Cub, Ethel Turner


Reviewed here.

Wanted an English Girl, Dorothea Moore

Reviewed here.

The Blythes are Quoted, LM Montgomery
Rilla of Ingleside, LM Montgomery (re-read)


Reviewed here.
cimorene: A very small cat peeking wide-eyed from behind the edge of a blanket (tristana)
Cimorene ([personal profile] cimorene) wrote2025-08-12 08:49 pm
Entry tags:

Tristana has pica, but at least she isn't going to the emergency vet hospital in Raisio tonight

Tristana never misses an opportunity to eat hair. She can't have toys with feathers, and she has to be watched like a hawk when I'm brushing or grooming bunnies, because she will stalk the balls of discarded fur with a surprising amount of tenacity and sneakiness. She frequently manages to steal tiny tufts of bunny fur from the edges of doorways that Rowan passes through (which always accumulate a small fringe of faintly-waving fronds every few days if I don't clean them off), but since bunny grooming is a discrete activity that requires a lot of attention, it is usually possible to simply carry the fur away and put it in a closed trash can that she can't reach without incident (although there have been past incidents with her stealing fur from the trashcan, but she's never managed to get very much).

So half an hour ago Tristana started being both extremely distressed and moderately distressing: cw: vomit )

(When picturing a ping-pong-sized ball of fur, recall that Tristana, while fully grown, is tiny. She was a runt and never fully made up for two weeks as an infant when she didn't gain weight. She weighed 2.3 kg or about 5 lb last year, and she is slim and wiry, the typical bundle-of-twigs/greyhoundish Oriental breed build.)

She's finished regurgitating now, and we put a bowl of clean water and the turtle bed, opened up so she could crawl inside, on the heated floor of the upstairs bathroom for her, and she immediately slunk in there to think about her misfortunes. I mean, to feel sorry for herself, not to analyze; I doubt she has any idea the fur-eating was related to her current distress.

But backing up to about midday today, earlier I had brushed Rowan and then neatly rolled up the excess fluff into a ball like I always do; but instead of carrying it into the kitchen and hiding it in the trash under the sink where Tristana couldn't get it, I left it on top of the trashcan because I was going to come right back and use the same trashbag to change the liners in the bunny litterboxes. I was going to put the soiled paper on top of the fur, so it would have been just as inaccessible. However, I got distracted and forgot.

So this is actually kind of an ADHD tax.
conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2025-08-12 11:54 am

More mostly useless advice!

DEAR HARRIETTE: As parents, I'm sure most of us have experienced a squabble or disagreement between our kids. I definitely have, but they're usually short-lived. Currently, two of my girls aren't speaking and haven't been for a few months. This all started because my older daughter made a joke about me owing her back pay because my younger daughter's college tuition was more expensive than hers. My younger daughter, who is usually quite docile, blew up at the comment. She called her older sister ungrateful, rude and spoiled. They argued like I've never seen before, and they haven't spoken since. I tried talking to my younger daughter about it, but she won't apologize. I don't think her sentiments were wrong; the joke was in poor taste. I think as a family we should never be so hostile toward each other. How do I get my girls back on track? -- Family Disagreement

Read more... )
conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2025-08-12 04:46 am

Harriette's advice here isn't bad, per se, it's just aggressively useless

DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the years, my mom and I have struggled to forge the ideal smooth-sailing mother-daughter bond that other people have. We used to bump heads a lot. Now that we no longer bump heads, we just have a hard time connecting and enjoying each other. I want things to get better, but she often compares my relationship with her to the one I have with my dad. My dad and I are pretty playful together, and he's easy to talk to. I think my mom constantly mocking the dynamic I have with my dad is her version of banter or "breaking the ice," but I wish she would stop comparing so that she and I could find our own groove. How do I get her on the same page as me? -- Mommy Issues

Read more... )
musesfool: LION (bring back naptime)
i did it all for the robins ([personal profile] musesfool) wrote2025-08-11 07:55 pm

i was born in a crossfire hurricane

3 things make a post:

a. So I hurt my back yesterday doing something normal and innocuous. Ugh. Everything about it is terrible. Icy-hot helps, and tylenol, but it was hard to find a comfortable position to sleep in last night. I did eventually get to sleep, but only for like 5 or 6 hours.

b. I did still manage to make this fried rice recipe with ground pork, but it's only okay. I think the meat could use more seasoning before it gets fried and sauced, and I'll probably stick with the Woks of Life recipe going forward, but it'll do for lunch for the week.

c. In other news, Baby Miss L is having a rough time going to school 2 days a week. I sent her a couple of books about it (including a Pete the Cat one, though it's Pete the Kitty in this case), so hopefully that will help (as much as anything helps other than time and patience). Poor kid - I wouldn't want to go be around strangers all day either!

*
cimorene: Cut paper art of a branch of coral in front of a black circle on blue (coral)
Cimorene ([personal profile] cimorene) wrote2025-08-11 08:20 pm
Entry tags:

Lying awake thinking abt. early 20th-c. historical-eclectic romanticism and the nation-state

I can't get excited about fandom right now, or at least can't find a fandom to get excited about right now, but I can always get excited about the history of the decorative arts.

I've been reading vintage magazines to try to immerse myself more in the worldview, the history, and the language of the period I love most (centered on 1920s, but including the whole between-wars period, the Golden Age of detective fiction, etc), and the last few weeks of browsing and reading Vogue and Harper's Bazar; Ladies' Home Journal, Woman's Home Companion, Pictorial Review, and McCall's; and House Beautiful, Better Homes & Gardens and House & Garden from the 1890s-1930s (on HathiTrust and Internet Archive mostly; there are various websites that collect links to vintage magazines online) have deepend my understanding of the period so much. A lot of that is general information about the period, turns of phrase, discourse style, beauty and graphic design styles, and bits of trivia. But it's also filled in a huge gap that I didn't even really understand was there in my knowledge of the history of decorative arts and design.

I'm super excited about my new understanding of early 20th century romanticism right now. Which is highly related to and mostly the same thing as national romanticism, a trend stretching back to the 19th century; but also an aesthetic and stylistic background that was actually more commonplace, more widespread, than the influence of art deco and art nouveau and midcentury modernism in their respective periods, but is often overlooked when culture looks back. I knew the term "romanticism" in visual arts and design before, of course. In the 19th century it links up with the arts & crafts movement; in the 20s and 30s, my understanding was vaguer: cutesy florals and... folk art? I now know that yes, it was that, but it was so much more than that: it was historical nostalgia expressed in historical eclecticism, the dominant aesthetic being an expression of a cultural obsession with creating and glorifying a personalized, domesticated patriotic past.

It was still very much tied to the project of creating the nation-state, in this case mainly through oodles of mass-produced imitation antique furniture marketed as "early American" or "Tudor" or "Gothic" or "French provincial" or "Empire". (Genuine antiques and reproduction antiques were also popular or at least popularly admired, don't get me wrong; but a great deal of the mass-produced furniture in this period was more about an antique vibe than about any sort of realism - something that was also very much true of the earlier explosion of Victorian-era "revival" styles caused by the initial spread of industrialization and an earlier ballooning of the middle classes. Victorian-produced furniture and design styles are also very much historical eclecticism.) This continued into the midcentury, when the pastiche styles previously called "early American" and "Tudor" had evolved into what was then generally referred to as "Colonial" (they meant American colonial specifically), exemplified by the mid-century modest ranch house's frequent pine kitchen and fake wrought iron and hammered brass hardware. Midcentury American ranches are iconic today, but the national imagination is inclined to populate them with mid-mod and streamline modern in blocks of color and metal-trimmed laminates; but in the period, the pine kitchen and the gingham ruffle were actually far more popular, even at modernism's height.

I'm focusing on American history in this narrative because I'm reading American magazines, but this was happening all over Europe. National romanticism in the 19th century produced a flourishing interest in cultural history and folk art in Europe too, and the same historical-vibe furniture recalling pre-Industrial styles was mass-produced for a growing middle class across Europe in the early 20th century. In Finland and Sweden the style was dominated by Gustavian (early 19th century, neoclassical) and rococo and baroque styles, often simplified, but the Nordic countries were leaders in modernism from the 1930s onwards, which changed the picture somewhat. Dipping into museums and auction sites from Finland and the Scandis brings a strong wind of light woods and simplified forms, painted instead of dark-stained wood, and a healthy admixture of functionalist/Bauhaus styles. And also way more actual crystal and imitation crystal chandeliers. Finns and Swedes fucking love their crystal chandeliers. I can understand their cultural history and dark winters and all that before the invention of electric lighting, but they still need to pump the brakes a bit. Chandeliers do not belong in your kitchen or bathroom, guys.
conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2025-08-10 06:39 pm

Wow, these people....

1. DEAR ABBY: My son is 20 and a senior in college. He's a baseball player and is about to ask the girl he's been dating for a year and a half to marry him. My wife and I don't get along with her at all. She has a myriad of health problems and takes eight prescriptions a day. Because of her conditions, she rarely has the energy to do anything but lie around when she comes to our house. She used to have a job packing groceries at a market, and she would frequently log 10 to 12 miles a day walking. She quit that job for a job at an ice cream shop where she does little walking.

We had a get-together at my other son's house, and she said she couldn't come because she was too tired. My wife sent my son a message saying, "Really? From scooping ice cream?" The girlfriend needed to use my son's phone and saw the message. Her feelings were hurt, and now she will have nothing to do with us. (They still expect us to pay for their wedding, and for gas and maintenance on his car to visit her parents almost daily.) We want to support our son, but we are over it with her. There is so much more I could tell you. Please help. -- DAD WHO'S OVER IT


Read more... )

**************


2. Dear Eric: My wife of 50 years told me that she no longer wants to live with me. I am currently living in our summer home with no friends or social contacts/networks. She has no interest in reconciling.

We didn't fight or argue, and I am at a loss as to what triggered her declaration. This has taken me totally by surprise. I thought we had a good marriage, with occasional ups and downs. There are no abuse, addiction or infidelity issues. I worked my whole life and am now retired. As soon as we had children, she was able to stay at home and lived comfortably raising our children and taking care of the household. The children have sided with their mom and won't speak to me. I think she has poisoned them against me, but don't see the gain in her doing that.

I am miserable. I am 74 with neurological mobility issues. I fear that I will fall, and no one will be around. Senior housing for me is too expensive and will deplete our planned retirement resources. We were counting on eventually selling our summer home to supplement our finances later in life. This is no longer possible as I am living in that house. This is not how I wanted the last chapters of my life to end.

I have had five sessions of therapy with no results. My therapist says I'm not at risk to myself or others and I am perpetually slightly depressed but not debilitated. Without more concrete information, he cannot help me. I am not a bad person, yet here I am.

– Totally Betrayed


Read more... )

************


3. DEAR ABBY: Our 23-year-old son, "Ed," was clean-cut, into working out and staying healthy, watched his diet -- he even joined a gym and was going every week. Ed has been dating a girl, "Emily," who is the complete opposite. She's probably a hundred pounds overweight. She's also dirty, (when she comes here, there have been days she doesn't take a shower).

Twice I have found Emily's lingerie on the floor. Last week, she left a pair of her panties on the bathroom floor. I showed Ed and told him that was the SECOND time I had found her underwear (the first time I didn't say anything). I said, "You have to talk to Emily and tell her not to leave her underwear laying around."

I see a change in Ed. My son hasn't cut his hair in 2 1/2 years and he no longer appears to be as into working out. This is not who we are as a family. My husband and I are fit for our ages (60s) and by all standards clean and orderly. Should I say anything to Ed? I feel like Emily is changing who he is. -- NOT THE SAME IN THE EAST


Read more... )

**********


4. DEAR ABBY: Our 40-year-old son has become a full-fledged narcissist and blames us (his sister, her husband, my husband and me) for a family schism that has gone on for two years. He tells lies about us and keeps us from our granddaughter. Any attempt to contact him has been met with venomous, foul-mouthed texts in return.

Our son went through a nasty divorce and horrible custody proceeding, but we did our best to support him financially and emotionally during that time. He is now supposedly happily remarried, but he continues to deny us access to his daughter. We are heartbroken. This is not the way we raised him. Any suggestions? -- BAFFLED IN NORTH CAROLINA


Read more... )

******


5. DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I recently planned a weekend trip out of town, and we arranged for our children to stay with their aunt, my husband's sister, while we were away. We thought everything was going well until, halfway through our trip, we received a call from her saying that one of our kids had started acting out. She told us that she doesn't tolerate that kind of behavior in her home and insisted that we come pick him up immediately. I was shocked and honestly upset. I understand that our son can be a handful at times. He's going through a bit of a rebellious phase, but I feel like she overreacted. We trusted her to help us out, and instead of trying to manage the situation or even calling us for advice on how to calm him down, she made us cut our trip short and made us feel like we were being irresponsible parents for going away in the first place. Now there's tension between us, and I don't know how to approach this. Am I wrong for feeling like she could have handled things differently? -- Not Helpful

Read more... )
conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2025-08-10 12:47 pm

Surprisingly good advice from Annie, I want to save it for posterity

Dear Annie: My sister "Kendra" and I are not very close and only communicate two to three times per year, mainly in emails. Kendra sold her home and moved out of state. Through our sibling, I heard that she listed her house high to begin with and had to come down on her price in the end but made a decent amount on it. I never commented on how much she made or didn't make on her old house; I felt that was absolutely none of my business. When she moved and posted pictures of her new house, I commented that I was happy for her.

Fast-forward to me selling my home a year or so later. After my home sold, the information on it went out to the various housing sites, incorrectly showing that it took a loss. We actually did make a nice profit on it. The information that went out was a typo and was corrected about four weeks later.

Kendra was quick to reach out in an email stating she saw online how much we sold for and was surprised at the extreme money loss we took. She then asked if it was a short sale or foreclosure and commented that we must have been very upset about it.

I feel this was none of her business, even if it was the right information. Am I overreacting that I feel it was quite rude for her to comment on my personal business? How should I reply back to her? -- Perplexed


Read more... )
conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2025-08-10 12:18 pm

(no subject)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Since I was young, I've found that I've always had strange anxiety-induced habits -- pulling at the edges of my hair, sucking my thumb, picking at scabs, etc. Over time, I'd find a solution, or I'd just sort of grow out of it. At present, I scratch the insides of my palms when I'm nervous, stressed or frustrated. I think I may do it at other times, but I haven't pinpointed all of the triggers. Lately, it's been out of control. I haven't been able to resolve this one, but I'm so ready to leave it behind. How do I find a lifetime solution for all these behavioral tics? -- Old Habits Die Hard

Read more... )
conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2025-08-09 08:47 pm

(no subject)

My mother desperately wants grandchildren. I’m nearing 30 and have never wanted children; my partner feels the same way. We would both rather focus on our careers, and there are also some hereditary health conditions in our family — nothing life-threatening, but enough that we would rather not pass them on.

Despite knowing all this, my mother pressures us constantly. Every time I explain my position, she becomes distraught and insists I just don’t understand the joy a child would bring. She’s in poor physical and mental health, and these conversations quickly spiral into intense emotional distress. Any attempts at therapy have been flatly dismissed.

Now she’s saying that she’ll cut me out of her will if I don’t have a child. There’s not much money involved, but I worry that, if it comes to that, she might also cut off contact altogether. My sibling has already severed ties with my mother over her mental-health struggles. I want to keep my mother in my life, but I can’t stand the thought of this one issue dominating whatever time we have left together.

I’ve started to consider telling her I can’t have children because of fertility issues. That would be a lie, and I feel uneasy using something so many people genuinely struggle with as an excuse. Still, her fixation on grandchildren is seriously damaging our relationship. Should I lie to my mother to try to save our relationship, or keep telling the truth and watch things fall apart? — Name Withheld


Read more... )
cimorene: cartoony drawing of a woman's head in profile giving dubious side-eye (Default)
Cimorene ([personal profile] cimorene) wrote2025-08-10 02:12 am

Did the memory change, or did my taste?

Every now and then I get a craving like,

"I wish I could read [fandom] the way it was before [subsequent bad canon/creator behavior]."

The thing is, all the stuff I enjoyed the first time I read it is still there, but... it never feels the same. All that Avengers tower fic from 2012 and all that season 1 Teen Wolf fic, for example, actually don't taste the way I remember them tasting.

This is true of a number of foods that I liked as a kid, too. The smell of bacon or hamburger cooking are slightly nauseating to me now that I haven't eaten them in 20 years, but sometimes I still wake up from a dream wishing I could have the bacon cheeseburgers I ate at age 19 from the college dining hall once a week.
musesfool: safety first, victoria! (safety first!)
i did it all for the robins ([personal profile] musesfool) wrote2025-08-09 07:02 pm

he got a great charge on it

Arrgh, book 7 is not the last book! And the next one doesn't come out until next year! Arrgh!

*